I've always loved RPGs. They have always been my favorite genre of game or game mechanic (depending on how you look at it), even though I don't really have the time anymore...

Maybe it's my obsession with 'deep' stories, maybe I just like numbers going up, or some other reason, but either way RPGs click with me. They give me something to work towards, and even if I just want to run around aimlessly I can always just use that time to grind. Back in the SNES days, my favorite games were Super Mario RPG, Final Fantasy VI (III in US before we got our shit together), and Secret of Mana. When I got a PlayStation, I soaked up all those goodies too, which also lead to me finding my favorite RPG series, Shin Megami Tensei (maybe I'll do a post about that later, especially since 5 just came out). I had so much time to play games back then, and RPGs just felt like the right way to spend it.

In high school and college I spent a lot of time playing MMOs, where grinding really hits you in the face because, lets face it, that's most of what MMOs are. It was fun playing alts and grinding for the sake of 'being the very best', but not all MMO grinds were created equal. Some were fun and I could feel progression, while some made me feel like it was a job I wasn't getting paid for (most old Korean MMOs fit this bucket). It didn't matter to me, though, if it was even remotely an RPG I wanted to play it, because I loved the progression, getting new things, and getting stronk.

It wasn't until a few years ago when I was starting to play more games on my phone that I heard of this game called GranBlue fantasy. I don't remember how I found out about it, but I found out that it was free (a godsend for someone who can be cheap like me) and that there were a ton of characters to play in it. Well, lo and behold, I became somewhat obsessed. I didn't spend any money on it (at first) but I had a planned trip to Japan soon after I started. During this trip I should have realized my obsession took hold because a) I always need to be the one with the Wi-Fi box so I could continue grinding, and b) I was looking for GranBlue merchandise to buy, even if I couldn't read it (manga, magazines, and even a collectible card game).

Eventually, GranBlue wasn't enough. Either I had too much down time playing it or I didn't have enough waifus. I started dipping my feet in other games to hopefully continue to scratch that gacha itch, which means pulling for the new hotness even if I don't want to even use them in my party. While I was more or less able to curb my sending on these games, because I figured I didn't 'need' every character, my time really suffered. If I wasn't sleeping or doing something that needed my full attention, I was playing a gacha game, sometimes even two at once. It was bad, but I didn't really consider it the case at the time.

One of the 'good' things about these games, was that either I didn't start them from the beginning or there was just so much to collect that I knew I wouldn't be able to do it all, which helped me (a little) regulate myself. This was until Genshin Impact came out...and the pandemic hit. I was suddenly thrust into a new game that I was starting from its inception and I had a lot more time on my hand (not to mention my son was just born so I was on paternity leave soon after it came out). Genshin also started with a small roster of characters, which made it easier to 'catch them all' and my pacing myself I found it reasonable to play every day to get everything.

One game wasn't enough though, so I had to get back into another game created by the same developer, Honkai Impact. These games were great because I couldn't actually play them indefinitely every day, but somehow they still seemed to suck up most of my free time (even some of my not free time, unfortunately). I was progression so much though, that it didn't seem to phase me at all. "I was being productive" I thought. "I can't quit now after all I've put into these games" I argued.

Eventually, though, it got tiring. Not only did I realize I may not have been spending as much time with family and friends as I should have, but I also started spending a little more than I should have. In addition, I wasn't playing any other games, which was a little disappointing as a lot of cool games came out that I just added to my backlog and will probably never get to. This is when I realized I need to slow down and take a break.

Unfortunately I didn't take a full break, as I tried out a few more gachas and got back into Genshin for a little more, but it just felt empty (which, in this case may be a good thing). I kept asking myself "What am I getting out of this game?". They were fun, but were they fun enough that they were the only games I'd be able to play? Were they fun enough even though the stories are never usually completed (or take years to progress)? Were they fun enough even though at the end of the day I'm doing the same things ad nauseum? I was leaning to no on most, if not all, of these, so I decided to maybe call gachas off for good...

Time will tell if I get into another gacha game. There might come a point in my life when I'm okay with missing out on other new games and don't mind grinding in a gatcha forever, but now is not that time. I will still waste hours upon hours playing RPGs, MMORPGs, or other games with RPG elements, but at least I know what I am getting out of them and it will feel less like I'm wasting time for no purpose.